I am so thankful that God doesn't always make us run marathons. Sometimes, He lets us take little steps. I have been taking marathon strides and baby steps on this journey. Sometimes, I feel energized and others I feel like I cannot go on any longer. I always know that God is there watching and protecting.
Last week, I took a few more steps farther on my journey of healing. I went to a place in Greenville that like myself has been transformed into something that was entirely different from what it had been. The place is called "Little Steps" on Laurens Rd. It place was being made over by a local church. It was looking beautiful! New floors and carpet, new walls and paint. Cute kids toys and baby stuff. New furniture and kitchen. All things being made new! What is this place you ask? This a facility where young teen moms can come and learn more about being good parents. They take classes and meet with other moms who are in the same situation as they. They can earn points that they can spend on new items like diapers, clothes, formula, toys, and other baby needs. A place where they can feel safe and loved. What makes this place different from other places? The building they are using is the same building that used to house the Laurens Rd. Women's Clinic, an abortion clinic. The same building where my son died. The same building where my life changed.
As I toured the place, I was flooded with tears. You see, I had never stepped foot in that place since December 14, 1991. The emotions were overwhelming. I could hardly breathe. People were looking at me strangely. The sweet lady who was volunteering that day wasn't quite sure what to do with me. I explained my story and she immediately put her arms around me. I asked to see the front office because it is one of the only things I remember about that day. It was beautiful! The walls were a soothing green and the floors were a rich wood. I had adopted that room a few weeks before and will be glad to have my son's name on that room. After leaving that room, I found myself drawn to a particular room and I stuck my head in to look around. That room was still in need of much work but I couldn't help but feel connected somehow. I am fairly sure that this was the room where my boy lost his life. I can't say for certain but I know in my soul! I took a few more steps and then left the building.
I am no longer consumed with guilt over what I did because God has freed me from that but I still feel intense sorrow over the death of my child. Any parent would! After contributing to and visiting Little Steps, I feel that I have been allowed to make restitution. One more "little step" on my healing journey. Thanks to the 2 other families that financially gave so that it could be possible. Y'all truly are sent from God! If you would like to help Little Steps financially, look at their website littlesteps.org.