What Does It Feel Like?

It feels like:

I am walking shrouded with a cloak covered in bricks.  Every time I turn around, someone is adding a brick or bricks.  It gets heavier and heavier.  I feel like I cannot move.  All my energy is going to just trying to move so any extra movements including talking become laborious and futile.

I am trying to breathe in pudding.  I have to continue on for my survival but I am not getting my head above the surface to air so I breathe in the thick pudding.  It clogs my lungs and makes me sluggish.  I know that I will die if I don't breathe air soon.

I feel like I am running a race with weights tied around my ankles and my ankles bound loosely together.  I can't get my full stride.  My legs feel heavy and they ache.  I want to run more quickly but I can't.  Everyone is passing me and saying, "Come on,  be a good mother, a good wife, a good teacher, a good waitress, and good Christian."  I can barely perform the basic functions of life.  Making sure my kids are nourished, feel loved, bathed, brush my teeth, eat are the things that I can do.  I feel like a failure!  My kids deserve so much more than I am giving them this week.

What is "it"?  "It" is depression and stress and anxiety!  I start off with stress and then it compounds into depression and then leads to anxiety.  All of those then lead to guilt.  As a Christian, I know that I should be anxious for nothing but when I get so low, I cannot help it!  I know scripture and I know that God is there for me but when you are dealing with the above feelings, God seems so far away.  Like His voice is muffled and my vision is blurred.  I am not even sure that any of this is making any sense.  But, it is how I feel!

 

You who are weary.......

Her stomach churns. Her palms are sweaty. She paces back and forth, back and forth. Why can't things just be simpler, easier? Why does it always seem so difficult? Why is God doing this to her and her family? She thinks for more than a fleeting moment about the reasons that God may be mad at her. Why would He desire to harm her or crush her spirit? She is trying to live like He wants her to and then He does this to her! Why?
She stops thinking this for a moment and then utters these thoughts to God in a whisper that is more like a scream in her head. A peace washes over her. She sits down and leans back. She begins to hear the voice of her Abba, her daddy. God quietly tells her that He loves her and He sees her. He is not angry with her. Jesus took His wrath for her on the cross. He sees each tear that cascades down her face and even the ones that she doesn't shed. He feels her sadness and pain. He understands her confusion and frustration. He tells her that He trusts her so much. He knows that she is strong enough to handle whatever life or Satan throws her way. He comforts her in the knowledge that she will grow and continue to develop into a woman after His own heart. God shouts to her that she is His and she should remember that. If she belongs to Him, then no one can stand against her. If she belongs to Him, Satan cannot touch her. If she belongs to Him, she should come to realize that as her parent, He wants only the best for her. A good parent doesn't solve all her problems for her. He lets His child solve her problems and learn from the heart ache, stress, pain, and confusion. When she comes out on the other side, battle worn and scarred, she will have learned she was never alone! NEVER!
As she closes her eyes, she falls into a peaceful sleep. A sleep that brings supernatural rest! She is in the wilderness but she is not alone. She is not alone!!!