We all need to forgive but more than that we need to be forgiven. This is something that I have been working on for years. I have needed much forgiveness and mercy from others but most importantly from God. I have offended so many people and God my whole life. I have tried to make amends with some but with others that has been more difficult. Some people I have felt haven't deserved my forgiveness. People who have hurt me, abandoned me, or rejected me. There have been those that I have easily forgiven. But some people, I have felt deserved my wrath and contempt. Where did that get me? Still wounded and abandoned and rejected! Not a great place to be!
God has been speaking to me a lot recently. On the morning of my 39th birthday, God told me to forgive my birth mother and father for leaving me and for the blame I have placed on them for the abuse I sustained and the horrors I experienced. How could I do that? Didn't He know the pain I suffered? I was just a baby! Who does that to a baby? He told me that I owed them my forgiveness just as He forgave me. Knife to the heart! In the shower, I wept and released all that I had been carrying around for 35+ years.
But, God wasn't done. Not only did He speak about forgiveness but also about reconciliation. Really, now, God, You are asking just a little too much! I don't think so! Then, He shows me the verses 2 Corinthians 5: 17-18. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.....we have been given the ministry of reconciliation." Point taken.
Here is what I am going to do. I am going to write letters to my birth parents letting them know where I am with God. My concern is for their salvation. My hope is that it releases them from any baggage on my end. Whether or not they accept my forgiveness or even want it is not my problem. I have to let go and move on with God in a new direction. I want them to do the same thing but it is up to them. They have my forgiveness and mercy but more importantly, they have God's, if they will accept it!
