......Clara wakes up feeling horrible again. So much is going on with
her both physically and emotionally. Then, her mother catches her in
the bathroom again and this time confronts the scared sick girl with her
own suspicions.
"Are you pregnant, young lady?" asks, Clara's mom.
"No, Mom. Why do you say that?" is the reply.
"Well, you are throwing up an awful lot and you don't appear sick."
"I must have the flu or something," Clara says, lying.
"I have raised enough girls before you to know what this is, so do not lie to me again."
"OK, Mom. I took a test last week and it was positive."
Looking at Clara, her mom could see the little girl that she used to
be and the woman that she was becoming much too rapidly. Her own heart
was broken. She had so many expectations for Clara and for what the
future was going to hold. Having a baby certainly wasn't in the
picture! What were they going to do? Well, she knew what they were
going to do. She would have an abortion, plain and simple! Just a few
hours and then it would all be over. Life could go on as it was before.
She told Clara the plan.
Clara had never heard of abortion and
didn't understand what it was about so she took the demands of her
mother and presented them to her boyfriend. He said that he would do
whatever she wanted and would stand by her either way. Secretly, Clara
thinks that he is relieved!
The call is made to the clinic in
the next town and an appointment made. In the meantime, life must
continue to go on. Clara was in school still making good grades. She
was cheering and hanging out with her friends all the while, this little
baby was hiding in her tummy.
Finally, the day came for her
appointment. Clara and her boyfriend drive into the clinic parking lot
while people she knows protest outside. She hurries into the building
trying not to be noticed. When she gets in and registers, the lady
looks at her and asks her to fill out the paper work and for payment.
While Clara is giving all the pertinent information, she looks around
the room. There are girls and women of all ages and races. They all
look frightened and sad and even a little nervous. No one really makes
eye contact.
A door opens and someone calls out for Clara. She
looks at her boyfriend and he says that he will be waiting for her when
it is over. Then she walks through the door and into a hall. She is
led to a room and told to disrobe and put on the paper nightgown. As
she is doing so, she looks at some of the equipment and wonders what
purpose each piece holds. Something begins to feel really wrong! What
is she doing? What are they going to do to her? What is this procedure
that no one has explained?
She pushes the feelings down and gets
up on the table and with a shudder, she waits. Finally, two nurses and
a doctor come into the room and tell her to lie back on the table and
just relax. Clara can lie back but as for relaxing, she is not sure.
They give her a pill that calms her just a little. Then, they begin.
The noise is a sound that she will never forget. She starts to cry and
throw up. One of the nurses rubs her head and turns it sideways so
that she can vomit into a pan. The nurse tells her that it was all
going to be all right but Clara somehow knew that nothing would be all
right again.
When she goes to recovery, there is another girl
there who is reclining. Clara starts to sob and the girl tells her that
all with be ok and that she would get used to it eventually. What has
she done? Why does she feel this way? This was just a blob of tissue
so why does she have such a weight on her shoulders?
Clara
cried all the way home and when she saw her mother, instead of sympathy
or hugs, she was told that this was never to be discussed again and this
never happened. But, Clara knew, deep down, that the girl who left the
house this morning was not the same as the woman who came back. Her
life despite the self-deceit would never be the same. She was damaged
goods and her life was worth nothing!
She didn't know how true her thoughts would become over the next few years!
This is just part of Clara's(my) story. It is a small part of her life. It was originally posted here.
