Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Hardest Thanksgiving

Turkey, dressing, pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, bread, sweet potato pie, gravy....all these things make for a great Thanksgiving, right?  But, what if something happened to put a damper on the day?  Could it possibly erase all the blessing and thankfulness?  Yes and no.  Something happened for us that changed our lives forever.  We were never the same!  None of us!  Not 1!

I had been on bed rest for a little more than a month.  Our Sunday school brought us all the fixins for a great Thanksgiving dinner.  I couldn't cook, clean, or even get up(or at least I wasn't supposed to).  After dinner was brought, I got up to eat with my family.  After all, isn't being with your family the most important thing?  Dinner was great and life went on without a hitch.  But later that night, I felt a leak.  Not not from the roof but from the baby.  I had had 3 other babies so I never know when I might pee on myself(admit it you know what I am talking about).  But deep down, I knew that my waters were broken.  That normally is a great thing but you see, I was only 23 weeks 4 days.  So this was not happy news!  I began to pray AND fret!  The leaking continued until Saturday and I was tired of the worrying about it.  I prayed on Saturday that God would make it clear to me whether my waters were broken or not.  Minutes later I got up to go to the bathroom.  My waters gushed all over the floor!  My God had answered my prayers!  You may question that statement but He did!  I had to know 1 way or another and He showed me clearly.  Also, I could have been at risk for infection so this was a blessing in disguise.

I drove myself to the hospital cause it was night and we had no babysitter to watch the other 3 kids.  It was dark with no stars or moon in the sky.  It was snowing lightly.  There was no traffic at midnight on a Saturday so I raced through the night.  A trip that normally takes 40 minutes only took me about 30.  I entered the ER and they were full.  I tried to get someone's attention but they were too busy.  I had been crying out for the life of my baby all the way there.  I even offered God my life for his.

I stood there not getting any human attention but feeling God's calming presence.  After about 20 minutes of standing(there was nowhere to sit), I finally broke in line and told the lady that I had amniotic fluid coursing down my legs.  She looked horrified!  She yelled for orderlies to rush me upstairs to labor and delivery.  I was only 23 weeks so I wasn't even show yet. 

As I got upstairs, my doctor asked me where I had been.  I told him what happened downstairs and he was fit to be tied!  He called down and gave the ER staff a good what for.  He then did a test to see if indeed I had broken my waters.  When it came back positive, he looked at me with sorrow in his eyes and said that the test confirmed what I already knew.  He kept saying how sorry he was and then began to explain what would happen over the next few days.

This is what he said:
The baby is too small and won't survive.  This hospital will not even try to save a baby under 25 weeks.  He most likely would not make it 2 more weeks.  I had less than 2 cm of amniotic fluid.  No baby can survive that.  I would give birth within a few days. 

I was moved to the maternal fetal medicine department and waited.  My doctor stayed all night until my husband could get there.  I was numb as they hooked up IVs and took my information.  The nurses came in and checked my baby's vital signs.  They patted my hand and tried to comfort me.  They had seen this before.  They knew the outcome.  My doctor prayed with me and when my husband showed up,  with him.  He expressed how sorrowful he was but that just because the baby was small that didn't mean that my previous condition would make delivery any less dangerous(I will talk more about that later).  My husband and I grieved that imminent loss of our child.  The child we had prayed so hard for!  We cried and held hands.  We clung to God and to each other.  We began to pray for a miracle.  We sent out urgent prayer requests for people to pray for God to perform a miracle that would showcase His power and glory.  I resigned myself to His will counting on Him to get us through whatever.  I was thankful to God for allowing me to know my child this long.  23 weeks is longer than some women have.  I was able to feel him move early and we had a special bond already.  I knew that I would see him again in Heaven!  I have that confidence.

That was the hardest thanksgiving I have ever had!  I am writing a weekly post about what happened with this pregnancy.  Don't worry!  God always provides a happy ending but not always in manner we desire.  If we stay inside the bounds of His will, He will make His presence known.
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