.....another one opens or God opens a window. Sometimes that is true but I would like to amend that statement to say, "When 1 door closes, God opens a vent and tells you to wait." This has been the case for me.
Many years ago, ok who am I kidding, more than a decade ago, God gave me a calling to public speaking. I had no idea that I could do something like that. I felt like most other people about public speaking. I would rather have my eyelashes plucked out 1 by 1 versus speaking in front of a crowd. But, from the 1st time I spoke at a women's ministry event at Southside Baptist Church, I have felt the calling. I have a few nerves but I approach it through prayer and the minute my mouth opens a peace goes through my body and God speaks. I never truly had that fear, I guess. However, I wasn't ready then for a ministry of that nature. I had a lot of baggage to unload and maturing spiritually to do. I still feel that calling on my life. I know that God is calling me to wait on Him. Psalm 37:7 says, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.
Another calling I have had on my heart is helping women heal from the stress and heartache of having an abortion. There is a syndrome that many women go through called post abortion stress syndrome. You can read a secular article about it here. Since I, too, have suffered from the effects of having an abortion, I completely understand the reasons that women feel they must make this choice. I, also, know how damaging it can be to her after the fact. God called me to this ministry. I felt like it was my life's passion. But what happens when our passions are squashed by someone else? What are we to do when someone tells you that this is not God's calling for your life?
I don't know the answer to those questions. I have been pondering them myself. Sometimes when we serve in a ministry, things can happen to make us bitter. It can drive a wedge between people and thwart God's calling. I don't presume to question God's calling on someone's life and expect them to not question mine either. Until I hear from Him, I will continue to pursue that to which He has called me. Maybe I won't do it under the auspices of a particular ministry, but I will continue to seek after Him. In the Bible, Paul and Barnabas had a "sharp disagreement" and decided to part ways. They did not argue over doctrine but over a personal opinion. Why is this passage in the Bible? What purpose would it serve? Paul took Silas went to Syria to strengthen the church there. Barnabas took John Mark and went to Cyprus. God allowed their disagreement to still further His kingdom by spreading the gospel farther than it had gone before. They eventually made up and Paul ends up commending Barnabas in 1 Corinthians.
That doesn't mean that Paul and Barnabas weren't heartbroken over the rift in their friendship. As far as we know, they never saw one another again. They continued to work in the callings that they were given by God. They just couldn't work together. They never bad mouthed each other or lied about one another. They continued to have mutual respect for the others' work. This is the place that I have had to come to. I have had my heart broken in serving the Lord. There have been ugly words said to me and lies told to me and about me. I have tried above all to treat the other party as godly as possible. I am not perfect, however, and have had some bitterness in my heart. I am working on that with the Lord. I am asking that He remove that bitterness from me so that I can continue the work for which He has called me. I want to serve Him continually and faithfully.
I am trying to wait as patiently as I can for the next step in this process. Some days are better than others. I am sure that that was the case for Paul and Barnabas. Even though they are pillars of our faith, they are not the foundation and they are human with warts and flaws. I, too, have blemishes and I will fall. But, I want to reach out to the Lord for Him to pick me up, dust me off, and send me on my way to do His work! Thank You, O Lord!