I am sitting here trying to decide if God really loves me.
Does He care about my day to day needs?
Can't He see what I am going through?
Why do I feel so lonely, overwhelmed, and depressed?
Surely, if God was really concerned with my life, He would alleviate my hurt and stress.
These thoughts course through my brain as quickly as lightening races across the sky. I am waiting on an ambulance to come and pick up my son. He is violently ill and writhing on the floor in pain. His screams echo in my ears and reverberate on my soul. A mother can hardly stand to see her child suffering.
Why won't they hurry?
God, please, comfort him!
Help me, Lord!
As this prayer goes up, my mind travels to my other troubles. We were in a car accident last week that destroyed my bumper. We were promised by the man who hit us that he would indeed pay for our repairs. He is not being too forthcoming with the money he promised. I want to avoid a confrontation with him but may not be able to. My car looks trashy but at least I have one. Maybe I should have taken Carter in it to the hospital instead of waiting on the EMTs. Where are they?
My tortured thoughts continue on to our renters. They are wanting to break their lease and move. They have not given the agreed upon notice and thus we won't be able to rent the house before the next house payment is due. And on top of that, they want their security deposit back. This has been an ordeal! Why can't they just do what they agreed that they would? I am getting the nastiest emails from them about it. They are attacking my faith and me! They are threatening to destroy the house and make it unrentable. What am I to do? I am filing a lawsuit against them based on the lease agreement. I have to do this before they leave the state and are unreachable. I have 2 days to get all the emails and documents to my lawyer. And now, I have a sick child. I also have a paper due for school and several tests. Did I mention that I am overwhelmed? Did I mention that I am feeling abandoned?
Finally, the ambulance is here. They are loading my sweet child onto a stretcher and into the bus. They tell me that I can ride with them so I eagerly jump in. I don't want my baby to be alone and afraid and in pain! The paramedic gets in and gestures to the seat in which I am to sit. I sit down beside my son and she sits at his head. In between us is an empty chair. I look down at Carter and back at that chair. I could feel down in my soul that the Lord was sitting in that chair. This was a visible reminder that I am never alone no matter what I feel. God tells me that He will never leave me or forsake me! I have forgotten that! The empty chair was not empty just as I am not empty! In that moment, God filled me with His presence! I am not abandoned! He sees what I am going through and that He cares for me! Thank you, Lord, for the empty chair!
Based on a true story from a dear friend! Happy Birthday, Jenita! I love you!