Thursday, April 2, 2009

I am not my mother's daughter!!

Do you have mommy issues? If you have ever been born, then you have mommy issues. I am assuming that if you are reading this, then you are born of woman. Unless.....could you be an alien? Are they watching me? Wow! What was that? I think I might have been abducted...
Anyway, I was watching some sappy Lifetime movie(don't judge me, I know you watch them). The main character lived her life in the shadow of her mom. At the end, she learned that she wasn't her mother's daughter and that she didn't have to live her life trying not to make the same mistakes as her mom. I came to the same realization. To give you some background, I have 2 moms. One is my birth-4 mom and the other is my adopted mom, 4-present. So, needless to say, I have mother issues.
My original mom kept me for about 3-4 years constantly taking me back and forth from her house to Nana's. She married an abusive man who was not my father. When I was in the home with her, I watched her being beaten and abused and suffered the abuse myself. My memories go back to this time and they have affected my life so much. When I was little, I tried to set the house on fire to get out of the situation. It was horrible! Eventually, I was adopted by my birth mom's mom otherwise known as Nana. But, my mommy issues didn't end. I grew up hearing how like "Dina" I was and how the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Sometimes you "just can't fight genetics." That statement is not entirely true! Yes, I lived my life in the cycle of my mother's life. I was with people who hurt me and devalued me. I engaged in improper behavior and most of it was dangerous to my health. However, I came to know the Creator of the universe and to know that He cared for me. He is my Heavenly father and that is the tree from which I hope my apple does not fall far. He showed me that I didn't have to fulfill my genetic destiny. I could be a good mom and daughter. I can love my husband with everything humanly possible. I am trying my best now to live up to His standards.
I still, though, am struggling now with "Dina." I have to see her this weekend as she is bothering to come and visit our mom for the first time in 3-4 years. I will be honest, I don't want to go. I don't want my kids to have any long-term exposure to her and frankly, neither do I want to expose myself to her. But, this is one of those no win situations. I have to go. So, I am going to begin to work on my mommy issues. I want my children to say that they are their mother's daughters!
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