Sunday, December 7, 2008

What was I thinking?

Several months ago, while recovering from major surgery and in tons of pain, Michael and I decided that we were going to run a 5K for the Brevard Crisis pregnancy center. I foolishly agreed and signed the paperwork and sent in the fee. I, also, briefly, let them know what I had been through and what our goals were. We were going to finish the race, if I had to cross the line crawling. We had experienced a crisis pregnancy and since I had almost died, we thought that this was a fitting tribute, you know? To kill ourselves all over again!
We get to Brevard and there are people running short laps and getting warmed up. The temperatures were just 25 degrees or so. We were running late and there was no time for warming up our muscles. We get in the back of the pack and kind of chuckled at those in front who were so gung ho! I went in knowing that I wasn't going to place but I just wanted to finish and not in last place. I am still very competitive by nature so this was a hard place in which to come. Anyway, a guy with a bullhorn starts out by singing Jingle Bells(the name of the run was the Jingle Bell Run, did I forget that little statement?). And, off we go! I begin running and soon the cold is gone. Michael is staying with me despite the fact that he could easily outpace me. He wanted to do this for us and not for himself. Have I mentioned what a great hubby I have? We made the 1st mile sign and I had to walk a little. Meanwhile, we are being passed by little kids and old people and women with strollers. However, we were hanging in there with a cop and his wife! The 2nd mile was the hardest or so I thought. I did a lot more walking during that mile than I had in the first. We were passed by an older woman who was speed walking but I am proud to say that we had passed some of those 6, 7, & 8 year olds. Mile 3 was coming into sight and I noticed people walking towards us. They were people who had already finished the race and were coming back to look for lost loved ones. I began talking to myself but out loud. "You can make it to the top of the hill." "You can run to the stop sign." "I don't think I can make it." Michael was saying, "you are doing a great job. I am proud of you for making it this far. Just a little more to go." We rounded the last street corner and we could see the finish line. My calves were screaming for me to stop and my lungs were just about to pop. That was the longest .1 mile I had ever seen. I had never run this far in my entire life. People started screaming for us. I silently began praying that anyone who was in my age bracket would get lost, so I could win. Ha!Ha! We crossed the finish line and this guy was there and he wanted the tag off my number thingy. I thought he wanted to hug me so I fell into his arms. He took the tag and pushed me on my way. I felt like throwing up but my pride wouldn't let me. However, a girl came behind me and threw up. Since I am a sympathy puker, I wanted to hurl so badly. I refused!
Our time was just under 39:35 and I was proud. When I was lying in the hospital for 81 days last year, I never dreamed that I would do anything like this. The sense of accomplishment was overwhelming and I succumbed to my tears. Tears for my last pregnancy that ended with a healthy baby but a long, painful ordeal and tears for my 1st pregnancy that ended 17 years ago(if you are reading this and went to high school with me, yes, our senior year!). That baby was thrown away as if he didn't matter because he was inconvenient to my plans for the future and that also lead to a long, painful ordeal, spiritually. John is in Heaven, now, rejoicing with the angels! My last pregnancy was a danger to my life and we both barely survived. But, we are all right now! How far God has brought me in 17 years!
Today, we are both feeling the aftereffects of the run. I can tell that I am still not healed completely inside my abdomen from all the stitches. I am so swollen today that I need maternity pants. I cannot get any regular pants to button. But, I still have the pride of knowing that I set what seemed like an impossible goal and accomplished it. God set for me what seemed like an impossible goal so many years ago but He is still accomplishing things in me today! Nothing is impossible with God!
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