Thursday, August 6, 2009


Tomorrow(Aug 7th) is a tough day for me. It is the day that my son, John Paul, would turn 17. 17!!! I can't believe it! So much time has gone by but the pain in my heart on his birthday is just as fresh as if it happened yesterday. You see, I CHOSE to have an abortion when I was 17 and a senior in high school. No one knew and probably very few from school still know despite the fact that I speak at churches in the area. This day broke my heart but I suppressed those feelings until the day I became a Christian. Only then did Christ take what I had shut away in the darkness and shine the Light on it. He brushed off the mold and the fuzzies and the cob webs and allowed my wound to heal for the first time. This almost broke me. But, like a bone that has been broken but has healed on its own, it must be rebroken and reset. That is what happened to me. I was rebroken and then I was reset. My thinking changed. No longer was my baby just a blob of tissue or an inconvenience or a mistake, he was my son. How did I know he was a boy? I asked God to show me and boy, did he!! I was a member of a very conservative church and we didn't discuss visions much. But I had one. My husband was there to witness it. God ushered me into His throne room where Jesus was standing holding my baby. I was allowed to see him in Jesus' presence as he would have looked in every year of childhood. It was an amazing experience! When I came to, I was on the floor(I started standing up) and my face was pressed into the carpet in a puddle of tears. Michael said that I had been gone. No one could get my attention. I knew then that his name is John Paul and that his birthday would be August 7th. What a precious gift!!! But, God was not done! Within 1 month, I became pregnant with Isabela. He restored my womb and pardoned my sin! Michael adopted John Paul and gave him his last name. Isabela is our 2nd child. She proudly tells people that she has an older brother who went to Heaven before he was born. We haven't told her the whole story and we won't until she is ready. So if you think of me tomorrow, pray for me as I still mourn for JP as any mother does when her child dies!
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