Vulnerability

Vulnerability: the capability of being wounded or hurt.

Many of us would not want to be called vulnerable.  That would be an insult to our pride!  We want to be strong and capable and protected from harm from either physical or emotional assault.  Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?  Who wants to be harmed?  We must allow ourselves to become vulnerable sometimes to let people get close to us.  There are no true connections if we are prideful.  We must trust that they will not hurt us!  That is not always the case and thus the saying, "You only hurt the ones you love."

Jesus knew from the get-go that He had to make Himself vulnerable.  Is there any other creature out there who is more vulnerable than a baby?  No!  A baby cannot feed itself or change its own diaper.  It cannot walk or talk.  Vulnerable!  Yet, Jesus humbled Himself to take off His crown and come as a baby.  Vulnerable!  How could He have protected Himself from His enemies?  He had to be protected!  God used Joseph to protect Him by telling him to take Mary and the baby to Egypt.  Mary protected Him as only a mother can.

When Jesus came to his final days, He made Himself vulnerable!  He allowed Himself to be beaten to within an inch of His life.  He allowed Himself to be mocked and scorned!  He allowed Himself to be stretched out and nailed to a cross.  Why?  So, that we could come close to Him!  Our sin separated us from God and Heaven.  We could not make ourselves vulnerable enough to be deemed worthy of Heaven or a relationship with God.  He had to make that way!  He had to allow His Son to become vulnerable so that we could draw close to Him despite our pride.

There are some who are still prideful and feel that they don't need saved.  There is nothing wrong with them.  They don't sin!  They are basically good people who try to do good to humanity.  How do you know that you have done enough or been good enough?  Is there some cosmic ticker that keeps track, adding and subtracting according to your deeds?  Why would it matter?  If there is no Heaven or Hell, why, then, would we be good?  We could just do whatever we want and treat each other like dirt and steal, lie, murder etc!  Sure, we might go to jail but in the long run?  There is just a hole in the ground where we reside until we return to dust.  Where is the hope in that?  How depressing to live that way!

We all feel the longing to be accepted, to be loved, to feel needed, to feel wanted!  That may be, to some people, simply the human condition.  But, I think that those longings are the deeply ingrained desires to have God in our lives.  In Christian speak, we have a God shaped hole that can never be filled, no matter how many ways we try.  We don't feel loved?  Then, we look for love in other humans.  We always end up heart broken!  We don't feel needed?  We fill up our schedule until we collapse from exhaustion!  We don't feel wanted?  We may turn to drugs, alcohol or other things to mask that pain!

This Christmas season, will you make yourself vulnerable?  Would allow Jesus to fill that hole that is in your heart?  Isaiah made it known that:
⁴ Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.

If you have already allowed Him into your life, are you too busy?  Are you flitting to this party and that?  Are you trying to find that perfect gift?  Give the gift of yourself to your family and give the gift of rest to yourself!  Allow the Holy Spirit to renew you and make the Christmas season that best that you have ever experienced!
 

A Strange Way

If you are a believer, then you may not question God and His methods.  I am a believer and I do!  Yes, I confess: I question God sometimes! (gasp)  There is Biblical evidence of people questioning God.  He responds to them in various ways depending on the motive of the heart of the person who is doubting.  Abraham was made the father of nations.  Mary became the mother of Jesus. Zachariah was struck mute for 9 months.  The heart was what mattered. 

I question God's method for saving the world.  He is God, after all!  He could have just spoken and people would be saved.  He could have forced us to love Him and to repent.  He didn't!  What kind of love would that be, forced love?  Not love at all, I say!  Instead, He went about salvation in the strangest possible way: a baby!  A baby?  Not very fearsome or forceful, huh?  God became vulnerable and tender.   He used a baby, a teenaged, unwed mother, and a carpenter from a tiny town.  Then, enter in a census, another little town, a stable, and a feeding trough and you quite possibly have the oddest setting for any story much less a story that will bring salvation to a hurting world!  Only God could pull off that scenario!  And He did!  No one before Jesus nor anyone after Jesus has had more impact on the world than that tiny baby.  Time literally centers on Him.
This is the premise for the song "A Strange Way to Save the World".  Another song that I love at this time of year!  "Now, I'm not 1 to 2nd guess what angels have to say."  Well, yes I am!  Enjoy!

Theology 101 as Taught By a 4 Year Old

My 4YO son is by far the most curious and inquisitive of all my children.  Yesterday, however, he began to school me on what he believes about God, Jesus, and the Bible.  These are some of his thoughts on things:

Jesus had to be a baby because God had to get born so we could have Christmas.

Jesus growed up to be a big man, like daddy.

Jesus had to get dead cause God was sad.
(me: why was God sad?)

'Cause people were doing bad things and didn't love Him.

(me: what happened after Jesus died?)

He got alive again.
(me: why?)

'Cause He is a super hero but greater and bigger than the Hulk.

(me: Do you do bad things?)

Sometimes but I will do badder things when I get big.


Simple, yet true!  This made me smile and laugh, while at the same time, it made me sad.

When Worry Won't Come...

All Smiles!

 

 

 

Watching TV

After the Surgery

Sleeping it off!

What you can't hear is the silence of his breathing!

What do you do when worry won't come?  Worry is something that used to cover me like a blanket.  I would wear it until it was moldy and stinky.  But, a few years ago, God got a hold on me and taught me that I am not in control.  I wrote a short story version of my story and you can read it here.  It is in 2 parts so make sure you read both parts or you might miss what God did.  Anyway, I lay awake last night waiting for morning to come.  This would be a hard morning for us and a great morning for us.  Our son, the one for whom we prayed, would undergo surgery to remove his tonsils and adenoids.  He is not a sickly child but his throat and nasal passage were blocking his ability to breathe.  He suffered from sleep apnea and deprivation.  The doctor was sure that this would help that immensely.  He would breathe better and most likely have a growth spurt.  Once his body could put the energy into growing instead of just breathing and getting oxygen everywhere, then he might grow some.  We were mostly concerned with the stoppage of breathing when he slept.
So there I was, in the bed, listening to him struggling to breathe down the hall.  I was waiting for the enemy to come in and begin to drown me with worry.  I began to pray.  I knew that God had spoken to me during his pregnancy.  He told me not to worry that He had a plan for all my children.  God, also, said that He has BIG plans for this one.  I couldn't worry last night. 
After catnapping for about an hour, we got up and got ready and got to the hospital by 5:30 am for surgery at 7 am.  He was all smiles right up to the moment they wheeled him down the hall.  He got these great big tears in his eyes and began to look frightened.  I watched his bed until they turned a corner.  Michael and I noted the time.  7:58 am.  I spoke to God and asked Him to watch over this one that He has already saved once.  25 minutes later the doctor came back and said that he was well.  Dr. S told us that his adenoids and tonsils were so large that he didn't know how AJay was even breathing at all.  His throat and nasal passages were indeed blocked and that his little body was working so hard just to survive.  His nurse brought him out about 15 minutes later and told us that his 1st question was, "Did I do good?" "Yes, you did great!" He replied, "Good".  His 2nd question was, "Are the monsters (what he called them) in my throat all gone?"  "Yes, they are all gone."  He sighed deeply and said, "Good!  Can I have a purple Popsicle?"  And then, he fell asleep.
Today, as he has slept, he has had no heavy breathing.  No snoring!  No apnea!  A little choking due to the fact that his sinuses were never allowed to drain and they are now doing it full force!  He is not used to all the room he has back there so doesn't know what it feels like to eat normal amounts.
I praise God that the worry didn't come!  I know what to do!  Pray and praise!  Quote Scripture.  Bind the enemy!  He had no place around my baby!  Thank you all for the prayers!  You rock!  Continue to pray that he heals quickly!  I pray that God will bless you all!

How He Loves Us

The Pig on the left is AJay's lovie since birth 4+ years.  The pig on the right is a new one that someone gave him.    He clearly loves with all his heart!  It reminds me of this song.

"He is jealous for me.
Loves like a hurricane
I am the tree.
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
All of a sudden I am aware of His afflictions eclipsed by glory.
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great  your affections are for me.

Oh how He loves us so
Oh how He loves
How He loves us so

So we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside my chest
I don't have time to maintain regrets when I think about the way

He loves us
(continue the chorus)"

Above is the David Crowder version.

How can you not want to know God when this is so true?  Truly listen to this song!

Who Am I?

A couple of weeks ago, I tried to discuss some theological ideas with someone.  A comment from 1 of her friends got me thinking about a few things:

#1 Facebook is probably not the place to discuss such issues.

#2 Some people will just never "get it".

#3 When people see something they don't understand, they either accept it readily or ridicule it.

In this case, the friend of a friend was ridiculing the conversion of someone else.  You may have read recently that I went to my 20th high school reunion.  I can safely say that I am not the same person now that I was then.  I did all kinds of things that were wrong and didn't build up the Kingdom of God.  On the contrary, I did everything I could to destroy the temple of the Lord(my body).  I made every wrong choice.  I questioned God.  I abandoned Him.  I turned away from Him.  I even cursed Him a time or 2.  I was truly a child of the devil in that I displayed his characteristics.  My heart was wounded, my soul was blackened and my spirit was in despair.  Suicide was on the table as an option.
The above friend was commenting on how another person had done everything bad under the sun but now "had found Jesus" and so was holier than thou in her attitude.  I had done everything bad under the sun.  But, at 25, I "found Jesus".  Or rather, He rescued me!  He showed me that He had a plan for my life(Jeremiah 29:11) and that despite screwing up, that plan was still valid.  The Planner always knows when there are contingencies.  I told Jesus that I was just too bad!  Why would He want someone as evil and depraved as I was?  He said, "The prettiest stained glass windows are made up of broken pieces."  He wanted to make something beautiful out of my depravity.  Jesus began to take those dirty pieces of crumbled spirit and clean them and put them together to make something beautiful. 

From the outside, I appear to be the same person: same hair, same eyes, same skin.  But on the inside, the change couldn't be more radical.  My desire to do the will of the Father.  Notice I said my desire.  I don't always do what I desire to do.  Often, I do those things I don't want to do and don't do those things I want to do(Romans 7:15).  I try to live a life that will bring glory to my Heavenly Father.  I want to honor Him.  There are those who remind me of who I was but they are not of God.  I am not who I was.  When people are so radically changed, others find themselves looking in on the change and not understanding it.  They, then, try to compare the old and the new and when that doesn't work, they try to compare the new person with themselves. Imagine a caterpillar watching the transformation of another caterpillar.  The 1 caterpillar is changed into a beautiful butterfly.  The other caterpillar just sits staring at the butterfly and ridicules its wings and colors and the ability to fly.  "You are really just a caterpillar and you will always be a caterpillar.  Nothing more!  All this "change" is just for show and you will never truly transform."  The contrast between the 2 becomes  stark and makes the other caterpillar feel unsure about themselves.  When in fact, both caterpillars have the chance to go through metamorphosis.  Unlike the caterpillars, we humans have to make that choice.  Our nature is to stay the same!  We have to let God in and let Him transform us into a new creation.
I am not pretending that my past didn't happen but I am not letting it rule my present or my future.  I know who I am in Christ and while words of ridicule may hurt my feelings, they cannot change that!  Thank You God for continuing Your work in me!

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to give you hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Romans 7:15: I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Standards

Would you...
... feed your family something that didn't meet FDA standards?
...put your baby in a car seat that hadn't met the standards set forth by the government?
...live in a home that didn't meet building codes?

The universal answer is NO!  You would not!  We want standards on all things from food to homes to clothes to make-up to medicine.  But, when we look at our own lives, we don't necessarily want standards.  If it feels good, do it!  Whatever works for you...

But, shouldn't there be standards on how we should act and how we treat our bodies?  Who should set those standards?  The government?  Individuals?  Governments change and individuals, well, they are unreliable.  Shouldn't we have standards set by the One who created life?  God!  Yes, God!  He has standards.  We should live our lives according to His standards.  He tells us not to commit sexual immorality.  That includes sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, adultery, etc.  Why does God tell us that?  Is it to be a cosmic kill joy?  No!  Like our own children, He is setting boundaries to keep us safe.  He wants to protect us.  God loves us!
If humanity can eradicate sexual immorality, it can also get rid of STDs, "unwanted" pregnancies, abortions, and most broken marriages.

We choose not to accept God's standards or only the standards that are convenient for us.  Well, I think that we should try to live up to God's standards.  We won't make them all but we are able to get into Heaven with Jesus leading the way.  I don't care who you are!  God's grace is for everyone and for every sin.  Have you accepted this grace that frees you from the weight of the sin you bear?  I have!  I am not perfect but I am forgiven.  I love you and want you to feel that as well!  What are your standards?  Who do you live up to being?  We all fall short!  Thank God that He picks you(me) up!

Courageous-The Movie

I love a good movie! If you have yet to see Courageous the movie, then you need to see it.  My family watched it the other night. The theme is honor begins at home.  The movie touches on a very sensitive theme: fathers.  There is a lack of leadership in our homes by dads these days.  The emphasis is always on mom and children but the role of the father and the children is often over looked.  Part of problem is that we have successfully emasculated men in our society.   We make fun of manly men and lift up men who are effeminate.  I know that I personally prefer my man to be rugged and capable not manicured and helpless.  My hubby is one of those men who can fix a car and dance with my daughters. He is unashamed to look the fool with his kids.  He knows that these things(not how he dresses) will be remembered by them. By creating solid memories with our children and actively participating in their lives, our children will be less likely to go to jail, get pregnant out of wed lock, get divorced, have an eating disorder, cut themselves, or commit suicide.  I am not saying that this won't happen but the statistics are in our favor.
My 1st father abandoned me to live with a unwed teenage mom.  She remarried and my step father took indecent liberties with me.  She then gave me away(another abandonment) to my birth grandparents.  My adoptive father was a great provider but spent very little time with any of us.  My memories of that are few and far between and treasured.  No one instilled in me the value of me!  That I was worth something!  I was just another mouth to feed and life would be better with out me in it.  Then my Abba Father came into my life and I found out that there was someone out there who treasured me and loved me so much.  With Him came my husband. I knew that he would be a great father to our children, if we had them.  We did and he is a great dad!  But as parents, we want our children to feel loved , treasured, worth far more than we could ever show them.  We have introduced them to our Heavenly Father who treasures us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us on the cross.  Jesus then rose again to proclaim victory to the captives.  That was a heavy price to pay!
I hope that my children never feel abandoned or worthless.  That is a feeling that just won't go away!

My One Word

Resolutions? No.  Diet? No?  Exercise? No.  I found my one word yesterday during the sermon at church.  Our pastor spoke on resolutions and how resolutions are things where we say, "I resolve."  That implies that we do these things through our own strength.  The word he used was renewal.  That word really resonated with me.  I want to begin this year different from the last one.  I don't want to be the same person I was.  Not that there was anything majorly wrong with me.  I just want to continue to improve  but I cannot do that by myself.  I(and all humans) tend to revert back to my innate nature which is sinful. 
I want to live this year more focused on God.
I want to be more willing to be used by Him.
I want to serve Him unconditionally.
I want to give more of my time, my heart, and my money.
I want to be more obedient.
I want to guide my children to walk beside Him daily.
I want to love God with my whole heart, my whole, mind and with my whole strength.

To do that I need for God to renew me.  Pastor Ryan read from Psalm 5:10-12.  It reads:

Create in me a pure heart and renew within me a steadfast spirit.  Do not cast your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.


I want God to purify my heart.  I don't want to continually be pulled between the world and God.  I want Him to renew me by making my spirit steady with His.  My spirit will waffle otherwise.  I want to be restored to my 1st love and His salvation.  And make me more willing and obedient so that I can be sustained.
 
Thank You, God, for speaking so clearly to my pastor and then to me.  Father, I pray that you will renew me and cleanse me and steady me.  Almighty God, bring the fire of your salvation to me and humble me so that I may be obedient.  In all things, I seek Your ways cause they are higher than mine.  I am willing to go where You send me and help those You bring in my path.  May You guide my paths and make them straight.  Protect me from the enemy who is seeking to push me off the path and keep me from doing Your will. 
Amen and amen!

Waiting....

Well, I have been here 2 weeks and everyone is just baffled as to how.  I, however, am not baffled.  I know that my prayers have been answered.  I prayed that my baby would make it to 25 weeks and he has!  With little amniotic fluid!  What are the odds?  Well, the odds are <.1%.  Yep, you read that correctly!  99.9% of all women whose waters break give birth within 2 weeks.  Through God's power, I beat those odds.  The doctors are very optimistic.  I have no infection thanks to 4 very powerful antibiotics.  I have not begun labor.  We are now just waiting.  That may be the hardest!

I have been away from my home and family for 2 weeks.  I miss them terribly but I know that I must do this for my son who is fighting to stay in my womb.  The kids visit several times a week but it is hard for them because I am 40 minutes from home.  We have amazing people keeping them, cleaning the house, cooking, and loving on them in my absence.  My mother-in-law, my church, and my family are worth their weight in gold. 

I get lonely here.  The nurses are becoming my friends.  I do have visitors and there is always the TV.  Mike Rowe and I are getting to know one another much better.  Some friends came and helped decorate my room for Christmas and another brought her new baby by to see me on her way home.  You can't believe how tiring just lying around all day is.  Bed rest is not restful at all.  I am reading like crazy and learning to do Sudoku.  Talking on the phone is becoming a past time and sometimes I feel like I am bothering people but the room gets awfully quiet. 

I am not sure how much more time I am going to have here in Rm 469 but I will eeek out every second to keep my little guy inside for as much time as I can get.  I am growing closer to the Lord here.  I can feel His protection all around the room.  I am finding peace in an impossible situation.  Thank You, God, for the extra time I am having with AJay.  Keep him safe until the day you decide for him to be born!


This is an excerpt from some notes I took during my hospital stay in 2007.  Check out how I ended up in the hospital in the first place here.  Just doing some remembering!

Hope, Expectation, Prophecy

 I wrote this post 2  years ago.  I love the theme and since it is the 1st week of Advent, it is appropriate.  I hope you enjoy and are celebrating the season with us!





This year, my family decided to start a new tradition and celebrate Advent. I grew up Baptist and, until recently, I didn't really know what it was all about. My friends and I are doing an Advent Bible study and we are learning so much. So, despite the fact that finding pink and purple candles in November is almost impossible, we began the tradition on Sunday night. My husband and I explained to our children what the candles mean and why hope is the first week.
We told them that the Jews has heard nothing from God through the prophets for more than 400 hundred years. Malachi was the last written prophet and he along with all the other prophets spoke on the coming Messiah. Then, all of a sudden, the angel Gabriel shows up and speaks to an old man and a teen age girl. The old man, a priest, is in the Holy of Holies performing his duties. Gabriel tells him that the baby he has hoped for will come in about 9 months time. He cannot believe because he is old and his wife is old and they have been barren for so long. Standing in the holiest place in the Hebrew nation, he didn't believe that God can do anything that He wants to do. How many of us are like this old priest? We see what God has made and done and yet we still can't believe!
Then, Gabe goes to Mary and tells her that the Hope of all the nations is going to be in her womb. He tells her that she has found favor in God's sight! I want God to tell me that, too! Don't you? He tells her, when she asks how(she is a virgin), that the Holy Spirit will take care of all the details. She thinks on it for a moment and then says do to me as you have said. Mary is not some 30 year old woman. She is a 13, 14, 15 year old girl who is betrothed to Joseph. In a time where women had very little standing, she found favor!!! I imagine that she must have been scared and full of questions but she had faith that God could do it! She knew that the nation of Israel had been longing for the Messiah and weird as it was, He was coming! He would be the fulfillment of prophecy spoken hundreds and thousands of years earlier. She knew it! She probably couldn't read or write but she knew the scripture and realized that God had never worked in a conventional manner before i.e. parting the sea, plagues,etc. Why would He do so this time? As she waited and pondered, what were her hopes? Did she hope that she would be a good mother to the Son of God? Did she wonder, like many mothers, if she would be able to accomplish the task set before her? Many of us have hopes for our kids, but Mary knew what the fulfillment of Jesus' hope would be.
What are your hopes for this Christmas season? For the new year? For you? For your family? My hope for you is that you treasure all that God has done for you and for the world! He came to the world as a baby, vulnerable and fragile. "This is such a strange way to save the world!"

'Fess Up Friday

Hello to all you confessors out there. Yet another week where I lay on you all my random confessions, well, not all but some. There are some that are reserved for the Lord Almighty Himself cause only He can handle them. Anyway, I digress, let's all spill our guts with Mamarazzi on Our Dandelion Wishes


I confess that this past week's cool nights and mornings have made me wish for fall to descend upon us. I want to put out my decorations and not sweat when I leave the house. Someone remind me of this in the winter when I am wishing for summer.

I confess that Jim Cantore is a babe! I never want him to come to my town for weather updates because wherever he is for the weather channel is where the disaster strikes. I will admire him from a far.

I confess that I finished The Help and it was good. It wasn't like the end all, be all of books but it was good. I am going to see the movie this weekend so maybe that will push me over the edge.

I confess that I love living here in the mountains. We rarely have any natural disasters like tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, blizzards, etc. This week as I was shaking from the Great East Coast Earthquake of 2011, I was grateful to not live anywhere where this occurs on a bigger scale.

I confess that I will not be crying when I drop off my 4th child at preschool on Monday. I am thankful that someone else gets to share the joy of his stubbornness and the pleasure of his grudge holding. I mean, it would be selfish of me to deprive people. His sweet smiles and hugs do make up for it, though!

I confess that the Lord has been so good to us this week. I can't even put into words how He has blessed us only to say that He has. In 1 week, I have cried tears of joy and thanksgiving in my kitchen and tears of repentance at the altar(read here). He has given me more than I can ever hope for or desire. Thanks be to you, Father!

Well, let's hear it...what are you confessing? I am listening with open ears and closed mouth!

Tears in a Bottle

How many tears have you cried? None? A few? More than you count? I am on the spectrum of innumerable and that is just from this morning. As I was kneeling at the altar this morning after Pastor Ryan's sermon, I began to wonder just how many tears have been shed on this altar, on this very carpet. Hundreds maybe thousands of tears have coursed down cheeks, dripped off noses, dangled from the tips of eyelashes, or been swiped away by shaking fingers. They mostly end up on the carpet of the altar. The carpet is relatively new(5 years or so) and so thousands more will end up there.

The comfort I find is from Psalm 56:8: "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in a bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Not only does God care for us but He loves us enough to see each tear AND He makes note of it. Can you believe that? There are roughly 6 billion people on the planet and God sees each tear that fell from my eyes this morning and cared enough to write them down.

This thought overwhelmed me when I told my husband and I started crying again. God overwhelms me! How can He be so big and so personal at the same time? We have been studying the names of God and today Jehovah-Shammah(God is there) was taught. I was overcome at the thought that I had never thanked God for just being there. If He had nothing else besides salvation, just being there would be enough. I knelt at the altar thanking Him for being there when I was a child and was being abused. I thanked Him for being there when I was raped as a young teenager. I thanked God for being there when I was having my abortion. I thanked Him for being there when I almost died having my last child. I thanked God for just being there. His heart broke when mine did, rejoiced when mine rejoiced, and then His heart healed my heart with the salve of joy, mercy, and forgiveness. He showed me just this week how He has been there. I seemed to have lost my purpose and my way. God showed me that the calling He gave me is still my calling.

So now I say, THANKS BE TO THE GOD OF HEAVEN for always being there, Jehovah-Shammah!

I Am Smarter Than Stephen Hawking

The earth was created from a black hole that was also the creator of time. That being said there is no need for a grand Designer or Creator. There is no God! All that was paraphrased from a show Stephen Hawking hosted last night called Curiosity . In the show, he attempted to go back in time some 3+ billion years ago and show what happened to the earth to create it. He did all this in the name of science.
In case you live under a rock and don't know who Stephen Hawking is, according to his website he is a theoretical physicist.He has ALS and is confined to a wheel chair. He has a computer that talks through his brain. All in all, his research is pretty solid and cutting edge. He is a smart fellow.

But he really showed just how dumb he can be(can't we all) on Sunday night's show. First off, he assumed by reversing the explosion of supernovas and creations of black holes that he could recreate the "Big Bang". The trouble with that is no one has ever actually seen a creation of a black hole. They generally are just there. We can assume or guess what happens but there is no real proof of the exact process. So Hawking's guesses are just that....guesses, assumptions, scenarios, not truths. He wants us to take on faith that what he has "proven" to be true. Meanwhile, our faith in God is just a crutch on which we carefully balance hope. His option is the better of the 2, according to him.

Why? Why should I believe him? Has he ever worked a miracle in my life? Has he ever spoken to me in the darkness of night? Has Stephen Hawking ever brought peace in an impossibly difficult time? Nope, he hasn't! Only 1 has ever done that....God.

Why should there be any difficulty in believing the God of the Universe can create everything...black holes, super novas, time? If I am going to serve a God, I want Him to be all-powerful, all-knowing, ever present deity who can create and manipulate the very strands of time. Not some wimpy god who cannot exist outside the bounds of human capability. What hope is there in that?

So, Mr. Hawking, I disagree with your carefully but incorrectly thought out statement about there not being a God. I believe that you have done 1 of 2 things.
1) you have either challenged God to prove Himself to you in a very real way
2) you have chosen to close yourself off to God.

I sincerely hope that you have option 1 in your pocket. God loves you and wants to show Himself to you. I urge you, Stephen Hawking, to truly open your mind to let Him in!

Weeds

Mowing the grass is not my favorite thing in world to do. Yard work in general makes me groan with intense dislike. But, sometimes, it must be done and sometimes I am the person who has to do it. As I was pushing the lawnmower around the edges of the yard so that I could get on the riding mower and finish, I got to thinking about the weeds. We have more poison ivy on our property than I have ever seen. It is growing on everything around the outskirts of the yard. It is a plague! I am not allergic but my hubby is, severely! He doesn't have breathing issues or anything but the sores bleed and break open and are gross. They hurt him immensely.

That got me thinking(frankly there is nothing else to do while mowing grass). Our lives are like that. God intended for us to have this beautifully, manicured garden for a soul. When we sinned, weeds began creeping into the yard choking the good, fruit-bearing plants. As we try to live a good life, the weeds(sin) take over. It grows on everything in its reach. Now matter how much we mow, the weeds just keep coming back over and over again. Then, Jesus comes into our lives and cleanses our hearts and souls. The Holy Spirit grabs the Holy Lawn Mower and Saintly Weed killer and gets to work. He beats back the sins and regrets of the past and begins to get the yard into shape. His mercy is the soil and His love, the fertilizer. God is a master gardener working to prune our lives and make us fertile. He is patient and caring and works with us.

We will let more weeds back into our lives because we are human. But, the Gardener never tires nor sleeps. He continually works to complete in us what He started. One day, we will be restored to our previous condition of perfection and weeds will be no more. For now, let's pull on our gloves, grab our clippers and get to work!

You who are weary.......

Her stomach churns. Her palms are sweaty. She paces back and forth, back and forth. Why can't things just be simpler, easier? Why does it always seem so difficult? Why is God doing this to her and her family? She thinks for more than a fleeting moment about the reasons that God may be mad at her. Why would He desire to harm her or crush her spirit? She is trying to live like He wants her to and then He does this to her! Why?
She stops thinking this for a moment and then utters these thoughts to God in a whisper that is more like a scream in her head. A peace washes over her. She sits down and leans back. She begins to hear the voice of her Abba, her daddy. God quietly tells her that He loves her and He sees her. He is not angry with her. Jesus took His wrath for her on the cross. He sees each tear that cascades down her face and even the ones that she doesn't shed. He feels her sadness and pain. He understands her confusion and frustration. He tells her that He trusts her so much. He knows that she is strong enough to handle whatever life or Satan throws her way. He comforts her in the knowledge that she will grow and continue to develop into a woman after His own heart. God shouts to her that she is His and she should remember that. If she belongs to Him, then no one can stand against her. If she belongs to Him, Satan cannot touch her. If she belongs to Him, she should come to realize that as her parent, He wants only the best for her. A good parent doesn't solve all her problems for her. He lets His child solve her problems and learn from the heart ache, stress, pain, and confusion. When she comes out on the other side, battle worn and scarred, she will have learned she was never alone! NEVER!
As she closes her eyes, she falls into a peaceful sleep. A sleep that brings supernatural rest! She is in the wilderness but she is not alone. She is not alone!!!

Transparent Thursday

This week has just been weird and since Monday started it off that way, the week has been crappy(pardon the language). I did have some confessors last week and decided to post those today.

Karen from StrictlySimpleStyle says that she has secretly celebrated when one of her kids' practices got rained out. Me, too! Sometimes I am just tired, you know?

Marie from Improving on the Silence says that she stashes her favorite popcorn and only brings it out when no one else is home so that she gets to enjoy it. If she puts it in the pantry, it will be gone! So true, Marie, so true.

As for me, I have not blogged this week due to some events happening in my life. I have felt myself slipping back into my depression. I haven't felt this way for several years. I feel beat up and run down and unwanted and unloved. I am also angry!!! People telling lies about me gets me riled up. I have yet to decide how to handle the situation. My old self wants to call this person up and just let them "have it." My new person knows that this may not be the best option. So in order not to sin in my anger, I have just kept my mouth shut. I have spoken to a few close mentors about the topic in general with no details. I have also spoken to the Lord. He assured me that He knows and that He knows the kind of person I am and who He is making me into. He feels my betrayal because He was betrayed. He feels my hurt that people who claim to know me choose to believe the other person(someone they have never met). People who followed Him one day were chanting "Crucify Him" the next. I can't say how many tears I have cried and how torn up my stomach has been. My pride has been crushed and my spirit stifled. I am using this time to reflect on my calling and where God wants me and what He wants me to do.

Ok, confessed a BIGGIE this week! If you see me this week and I appear happy, know that I am probably faking it! Just saying!

My 6 Fathers

So yesterday's task was to re-post a post that you wish more people had read. I am reposting this one. The important people in my life have read it but others might find inspiration in it as well. Thanks to SITS Girls for reminding me of this post and to their sponsors Florida Builders Appliances, Standards of Excellence, and Westar Kitchen and Bath. This was one I wrote several years ago on Father's Day.

I know that you are intrigued by my title so let me explain. I have had 6 fathers in one sense or the other. No matter the way they treated me, they each taught me something. Or I learned something from each of them.
Let's start with #1. He would be termed my birth father. He contributed the genes that make up half of me. I don't know much about him or his family. I do know that he had curly, blond hair and blue eyes and a twin sister. His family is or was a well to do family in the town in which I was born. He gave me life despite the fact that he was a teenager and I was the product of teenage passion. I am grateful for that. I learned from him that teenage love is, for the most part, fleeting. I wish that I had learned that when I was a teenager. I, also, learned that when things get tough you run away. I lived under that wisdom for a long time. No more!
#2 was my step-father. He was married to my birth mother for a short time. In the brief time that I lived with them, I watched him beat her and shoot her and felt the sting of beating on my backside. He took advantage of me as a baby in a way that ruins a person. He was a mean drunk and a not so nice sober man. You ask what could I possibly learn from him? The first lesson I learned was inappropriate love. I also learned fear from a man. I, also, learned to protect others. I had a little step-sister. I would take her from him and tell him to not do that to her but to me instead. It was as if I knew that I was already damaged and I didn't want him to damage her. Our time ended together the night he aimed a shotgun at me and fired. Obviously, he missed. Just like Jimmy Carter led us to Ronald Reagan. He was followed by my adoptive father.
#3 is my adoptive father, Steve. He is also my grandfather. Baffle you? I was adopted by my grandparents. Dad was a great provider. There were 8 kids that he had to raise. 4 of his and 2 of my moms and 2 adoptees. I call us the Brady Bunch on acid. We never went without the things that we needed. We may not have had everything that we wanted but we never went naked or starved. I know that some of you will find this hard to believe but I wasn't always the easiest child to raise. I had "issues". He handled them the best way that he knew how. He taught me the value of hard work and a dollar and paying your bills on time. He taught me that sometimes people make mistakes but family always helps family if they can. I watch him with my kids and envy the easy relationship that they have but ours is getting better and I can say that I love him with my whole heart. He sacrificed more for my siblings and me than I could ever say. He did it quietly and without any expectations of repayment. I am glad that God chose you to be my dad!
#4 is my spiritual father. Those of you who aren't Christians may not understand this one but Michael led me to a real, saving relationship with Christ. Michael is also my husband and the father to my beautiful children. He is a great daddy and does what most men won't. While I was in the hospital, he worked full-time and was mommy and daddy to the kids. It was hard on him. Leading me to Christ makes him my spiritual father. He teaches me humility and to see the good in life and not drown in my sorrows. He is always positive and even keeled. But best of all, he loved me so much that he wanted to spend eternity with me. Not even roses and chocolate can beat that kind of romance.
#5 is related to #4. It is my father-in-law. I love that man. I love the boy that he raised who became the man that is my husband. Mike and I have a great relationship and I can talk to him about so many things. I learned from him that in-laws aren't horrible people like you hear in books and from comedians. I, also, learned from him that fresh flounder and shrimp straight from his boat can't be beat. He is a great fisherman! He has taught me that generosity is a precious thing and he often works his fingers to the bone in my home. He is a great grandfather and my kids adore him. I look forward to raising you in your old age!
#6 is my Heavenly Father. I can't possibly write everything that He has taught me. The internet could not contain it. I will write the highlights. Forgiveness, gentleness, patience(even though He didn't give me an abundance), real, true love, the value of life, grace, mercy, salvation. My relationships are all centered on Him. I am grateful that I can come to Him at anytime and He wraps His arms around me and loves on me. He taught me that no matter how far I stray I am never to far from Him. All I need is a trip down onto my knees to be near Him. I can't wait to spend eternity in Heaven praising His holy name. God is the most important father that I have. He sustained my family during our time of crisis and we wanted for nothing. He performed miracles in my life and the lives of my children and in many of your lives. God, forgive me for not even scratching the surface of what You have done and who You are.
So that is the tale of my 6 fathers. They each shaped who I am today and some of them continue to shape my life until the day of my death and beyond. I wish each of you Happy Father's Day. Call your dad and let him know how much you appreciate what he has done for you or has taught you. You can learn something from even the worst dad or the nonexistent one. Most importantly, thank God for His saving grace and for saving you. May God bless each of you!