Forgive? Forgive What?

We all need to forgive but more than that we need to be forgiven. This is something that I have been working on for years. I have needed much forgiveness and mercy from others but most importantly from God. I have offended so many people and God my whole life. I have tried to make amends with some but with others that has been more difficult. Some people I have felt haven't deserved my forgiveness. People who have hurt me, abandoned me, or rejected me. There have been those that I have easily forgiven. But some people, I have felt deserved my wrath and contempt. Where did that get me? Still wounded and abandoned and rejected! Not a great place to be!

God has been speaking to me a lot recently. On the morning of my 39th birthday, God told me to forgive my birth mother and father for leaving me and for the blame I have placed on them for the abuse I sustained and the horrors I experienced. How could I do that? Didn't He know the pain I suffered? I was just a baby! Who does that to a baby? He told me that I owed them my forgiveness just as He forgave me. Knife to the heart! In the shower, I wept and released all that I had been carrying around for 35+ years.

But, God wasn't done. Not only did He speak about forgiveness but also about reconciliation. Really, now, God, You are asking just a little too much! I don't think so! Then, He shows me the verses 2 Corinthians 5: 17-18. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.....we have been given the ministry of reconciliation." Point taken.

Here is what I am going to do. I am going to write letters to my birth parents letting them know where I am with God. My concern is for their salvation. My hope is that it releases them from any baggage on my end. Whether or not they accept my forgiveness or even want it is not my problem. I have to let go and move on with God in a new direction. I want them to do the same thing but it is up to them. They have my forgiveness and mercy but more importantly, they have God's, if they will accept it!

Thankfulness #4

I am thankful this week for so many things!  If you haven't read my post The Hardest Thankgiving check it out!  It is a tale of a Thanksgiving that I thought would be my last.  Here is my list of things for which I am thankful:

1) my in-laws.  They treat me like I am 1 of their kids.  I never feel judged or less than a good daughter with them.  They adore my kids and raised a great son!

2)eBay.  Without it, my kids would have no Christmas.  We have some things on there for sale now and that will be gifts for my family.

3)the hard times!  This may sound weird but I draw closer to God during these times.  He feels like here draws near to me.  Truth is that He never moved, I did!

4)Christian music.  I can listen to it without having to explain things to my small children.  It is just as good if not better than any pop or country music that is out now.

5)my children.  I am so blessed to have 4 beautiful kids.  They are obedient and kind.  They think of others before they think of themselves.  They love my husband and me unconditionally.

6)my salvation.  Without it, I would still be wounded and hurt.  Raw, festering wounds that keep opening and oozing.  Jesus came in and cleansed me.  He cleaned out the wound and put His soothing balm of grace and mercy on it and it was healed.  I am thankful for the day that I asked Him to take up residence in my heart.

7)home schooling my kids.  I am so thankful that God has allowed me to do that.  I can't imagine them in public school.  They are thriving in such a great way!

Are you thanking God today for what He has done for you?  I am thankful for you all!

More Than Conquerors

In school today, we were learning about conquistadores coming to America and marching through the land with their weapons and diseases.  They either killed or enslaved and entire race of people.  But when that wasn't enough, they bought slaves from Muslim traders.  But the Muslims couldn't keep pace, so the Spaniards went to West Africa and began tromping through villages there enslaving men, women, and children.  These innocent people were then shipped over the Atlantic and put to work until they died.  They went unwillingly.
This got me thinking about Paul saying that we are slaves to sin.  Were we forced into going across the ocean or did we go willingly?  I think that we go.  Not just go but we jump on board the ship, go below decks, and put the shackles on our own legs.  We think it is going to be this great adventure but like slaves prior to us, we find out that there is not enough food, water, or sunlight.  The slave master is harsh and unforgiving and the pain we experience is unrelenting.  The few minutes of pleasure we get doesn't even compensate for the time we spend chained up and toiling away at the earth.
Why do we do it?  The African and Native American slaves had no choice.  But we do.  We willingly go and sometimes we go with great excitement and glee.  Why?  Because, we are children of the Father of lies!  Yep, you read that correctly!  Our base nature comes from the 1st sin of pride.  We inherit that.  The slaves from long ago inherited their skin color from their ancestors.  That made them a target to the white man.  Our base nature makes a target for sin.  We can't help it.  Until....
Until Jesus knocks at the door.  Some people open the door quickly and let Him in immediately.  Others(like myself) open the door after many years of Him standing out there knocking repeatedly.  Christ is a gentleman and will not go where He is not wanted.  But He wants you and me.  So He is willing to take the rejection and neglect because He loves us.  When we finally let Him in and ask Him for forgiveness, He lovingly and gently removes the manacles.  He massages and heals our wounds and He begins to heal our hearts.  You see, Christ's loves is not the slave master.  Sin is!  Christ is the emancipator.  Freeing us from our bondage and paying the price that we owed!  He changes us!  What, then, does that make us?

Children of the King!  No longer slaves but we have moved straight to the castle and donned the royal robes of splendor.  We have a new Father!  An Abba father.  He loves us!

Mis Conquistadores!

Won't you open your heart to the freedom that is offered to you?  Jesus is standing at the door and He wants to come in.  Won't you let Him?

Where is God?

Were you "left behind" this past Saturday when the "rapture" took place? I was! No one was more surprised than I. Here I have been a Christian for nearly 13 years and I thought I had done all that was required of me to go to Heaven! Maybe that means I am a zombie! Funny! I don't want to eat your brain. What does this mean? Where is God?

In case you didn't catch the sarcasm dripping from the previous statement, let me throw some at you......SARCASM! Did this guy think that God is on his timeline? God is above time! He states that He was, He is, and He is to come all at the same time. Here is just a general rule for anyone who is trying to predict the 2nd coming of the Lord....don't! He will come when He is ready and not when anyone expects it. So, now what? What do we do? We get ready.

The Lord is called the bridegroom and that He will come back for His bride. Back in the day, when a couple was betrothed, that was as good as marriage. There was a lot of doing to get out of it, if you could. The groom would leave and go make preparations to bring his bride home. The bride was to get ready. That means she needed her dress, her flowers, the cake, her bags packed, and most of all, her heart and mind set on go. Are you ready?

Jesus said that He is THE way, THE truth, and THE life and no one gets to see His Father except that they go through Him. So, either Jesus is who He says He is or He is crazy or He is lying. You must make a choice whether you believe Him. Even no choice is a choice. You will stand before God one day and answer the question....What did you do with My Son? What will your answer be? Are you ignoring Him? Are you scoffing at Him? Are you believing in Jesus?

So, we should live our lives as if today is the last day. He could come at any moment. All the pieces are in place. There are no more prophecies to be fulfilled until the trumpet sounds. My greatest desire is for you to go to Heaven. More importantly, Jesus's greatest desire is for you to go to Heaven with Him. So much so that He died on the cross after suffering greatly. He loves you so much! Ask Him to come into your heart and cleanse you from your sin and begin to live your life as a new person. Because Jesus is coming!