Where did they go?

After waking up from my turkey coma, I realized that I had lost something important. I can't seem to find my hip bones. When I was younger, my bones protruded so much that they could be considered dangerous weapons. I am glad for my friends' sakes that I wasn't alive when the bump was popular or I could be doing time in Sing Sing. Anyway, I can't seem to locate them under the skin anymore. I don't know where I misplaced them or when or if they will return. I am posting a reward for them: 20 pounds. I had, also, lost my belly button but it came back on its own but not to same place that it was located about 10 years ago. It is higher, making even "mommy" jeans look like low-rise. No reward was necessary its return! There are other things that I have found like wrinkles, cellulite, acne, and spider veins. If you have lost these items, then contact me and I will gladly get them back to you. No reward necessary!