This week has just been weird and since Monday started it off that way, the week has been crappy(pardon the language). I did have some confessors last week and decided to post those today.
Karen from StrictlySimpleStyle says that she has secretly celebrated when one of her kids' practices got rained out. Me, too! Sometimes I am just tired, you know?
Marie from Improving on the Silence says that she stashes her favorite popcorn and only brings it out when no one else is home so that she gets to enjoy it. If she puts it in the pantry, it will be gone! So true, Marie, so true.
As for me, I have not blogged this week due to some events happening in my life. I have felt myself slipping back into my depression. I haven't felt this way for several years. I feel beat up and run down and unwanted and unloved. I am also angry!!! People telling lies about me gets me riled up. I have yet to decide how to handle the situation. My old self wants to call this person up and just let them "have it." My new person knows that this may not be the best option. So in order not to sin in my anger, I have just kept my mouth shut. I have spoken to a few close mentors about the topic in general with no details. I have also spoken to the Lord. He assured me that He knows and that He knows the kind of person I am and who He is making me into. He feels my betrayal because He was betrayed. He feels my hurt that people who claim to know me choose to believe the other person(someone they have never met). People who followed Him one day were chanting "Crucify Him" the next. I can't say how many tears I have cried and how torn up my stomach has been. My pride has been crushed and my spirit stifled. I am using this time to reflect on my calling and where God wants me and what He wants me to do.
Ok, confessed a BIGGIE this week! If you see me this week and I appear happy, know that I am probably faking it! Just saying!
Don't know what's going on and don't need to know, just wanted you to know I'm praying for ya! Love ya bunches!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your struggles, friend - that's so tough.
ReplyDeleteAre you are reader?
If so, I've read some very encouraging books lately that may speak into your life/heart as they did mine:
"What Happened to My Life?: Finding New Passion, Purpose, and Joy"
by Danna Demetre
&
"The Worn Out Woman: When Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty"
by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray
sending some virtual ((huggs)) and prayers your way.
~h
*hugs* I don't know a thing about what you are dealing with... I just stopped over from UBP11 -- and saw something about slipping back into depression...
ReplyDeleteAnd I can totally relate. Last week a conversation came up, a situation was mentioned that was heartbreaking, and touched a major nerve. Brought back a lot of extremely painful memories of the darkest time in my life. I could feel myself in a haze, for two or three days... unable to stop crying when I wasn't occupied with my children, or my students.
But... I clung to the reminders of how Jesus does love me, and though I don't understand what happened, and why, He was with me.
And after a few days, the shadow passed, and I am myself again.
I pray that you feel that same lightening.... that the shadow rolls away, and you are at peace again.
http://realfaithjourney.blogspot.com
Thanks Leah! You know more than you think you know.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, I have seen the Worn Out Woman Book and was curious about it. i may pick it up!
Thanks Meredith for stopping by. The sun is out today and I am feeling a little better!